Where have you been?

Dead.

In Mexico.

For reals?

No. Not really. Just bored. And scared.

Of what?

Writing something boring. Or sucky. Like Ethan Frome.

If you ever feel like you have it especially rough, then read that book. You'll be super glad that you aren't those characters. But if you are real smart, you'll realize that you have working eye-lids and the ability to close them and not look at those pages anymore and go look at something else, like a jar of M&M's. For those of you without working eye-lids, then put on some eye-patches and dream of M&M's, instead.

So, what can I come up with after a two week absence? It's going to be underwhelming, because I could've written a book in that amount of time (if I was Jack Kerouac, had a long scroll of paper, and some mescaline). Well, I'm going to convey some lessons about working. They may not be funny or applicable to you, but I think that they are good general thoughts.

1. Offer to do stuff all of the time, even if you don't have the resources or time. Someone will offer to help you if you ask or you'll be freed from other burdens if you are doing a good job and it's important enough. This is the only way to stop doing something you hate and start doing something you like. Dive in with gusto. If it's something worthwhile, other people will want to see the project, and you by extension, succeed.

2. Remember number one when someone else needs help. You can ride their coattails and they will be generous with thanks if you are generous with aid.

3. Smile at everyone and tell them that you are "doing awesome" when they ask the obligatory what's up/what's happening/how are things? Most people are not prepared for someone who is cheery all the time. Some jerk won't like that, but then they're a jerk, so screw 'em. Everyone else will want to talk to you, not some jerk. You'll produce a classically conditioned response in other people's brains when they hear your name (hey, that's the awesome guy or gal). You'll probably start to feel awesome after hearing that you are so much - from your own mouth even.

4. Show up on time for everything. People are pretty impressed by this, and it never looks bad. But don't hang people for being late unless it's really obvious or a major problem. Then you'll start looking really anal to other people. Everyone makes mistakes, and they hate it when someone else points that out. Well, sorry, Mr. Perfect!

5. Don't engage in gossip. It's sooo much fun to feel like you belong in the secret joke, but it is always destructive and you eventually will find yourself in the awful position of having to choose sides in an opinion-fueled argument. This sucks when you know both people are wrong, and now you've put yourself in a place where you have to say something either way.

These points are not original, nor do they encompass all of the things that will make you an effective worker. Your own personality, talents, desires, and wills take care of that. But these are things that I've learned over time and seem to make going to work more fun and bearable for those days when you'd rather be at home, watching Predator on the couch in your underwear eating a bucket of chocolate pudding with a garden trowel (right, Will?).

I hope you enjoy your job, but if you don't, especially try number three. It's pretty easy.

I'll try to keep writing things regularly. One of my friends gave me some good encouragement, so I'll try to put some of my crazier thoughts out here. I hope this doesn't end up getting me in trouble, like when I ultimately divulge my highly personal secret desire to someday walk up the Spanish Steps on my hands.

Oops.