The when and the wry

If you could live during any time period in human existence, when would it be? This weekend I saw some "reenactors" who provoked this query in my head. They were at the Alamo, which has a kind of settler's days on one Saturday every month. The people were obsessed history buffs who dressed and acted like normal folk who lived during some point in 19th century Texas.

I wondered if they were purists, and if I offered to show them a video on my iPod would they watch it or try to lynch me for being a warlock sent from hell to melt their brains? Seriously, though, they took their acting in earnest and I learned a lot. I learned that life back then was super boring. If I was transported back in time and had to listen to the old guy jaw on about cleaning his pocket watches while his wife just smiled vacantly and knitted, I would probably become a bandit and rob them out of spite.

This got me thinking; are there character reenactments for the seamy side of life? Like at this one, some old dude would tell anyone who cared to listen what sort of music he would have played on this authentic guitar back in 1835. Well, would there be one with a man who tells stories about being a drifter who got into bank robbing then became a pimp after opening a saloon in some new town called Dodge City? I can only hope so. Then some kid's dad is going to have to listen to this on the way home: "What's a 'dove of the roost'? Can we have whiskey after dinner? I want to be a vigilante when I grow up!"

There aren't public showcases of vice and corruption of ages old probably because some kid's mom complained that she could see that on TV. What happened to all of those wholesome values like cutting potatoes all day long or laying in the shade with a wet cloth over your face because you live in a sod house in the middle of nowhere? History books are full of the bad (good) stuff anyway. We can't see our neighbors portray this because we want to believe that society was good and proper back then, whenever then was. If only we hadn't screwed it up with rock and roll.

So, when you answer my initial question, you might think of a specific thing to do back then. I mean, if you lived in a previous time you would have to ply a trade in some geographic location. Blacksmith? Courtesan? Farmer? Statesman? Printer? Oarsman? Taxman? Paperback writer? And which period would be most interesting with all of our knowledge of world events? Certainly 1840's Ireland would be a poor choice to be a farmer. But choosing to live in the Tang dynasty in China would be good if you liked to sit around and paint and write.

This is a silly question mostly asked to waste time, because there is no way to travel back to other epochs. It's like asking what animal you would want to be. There can be no shapeshifting with modern technology, so what's the point? Well, I would argue what's the point of life without these kinds of questions? They offer us a chance to be introspective, to think about different perspectives and make fun of lame dudes who want to be a bootblack on a stage line. We might even appreciate all the crap we have to put up with because someone once had it much worse. Like everyone who lived in the 14th century.

I would totally be a cheetah, by the way. Those guys know how to chill like players.